Tsk, tsk, where does the time go? No, seriously. Where does it go? Time is such a funny thing to begin with in and of itself. The long and short of a year. And how does something like 2 weeks ago seems like a lifetime and something from a decade seem like yesterday? How is that. How can that be.
I’m always in a hurry, I don’t really know why, and I tend to walk super fast. I couldn’t saunter if I tried. Hurry up and wait could probably sum up the majority of my life, and yet at the same time I don’t like to rush. Huh. Weird quirk. I think maybe it’s because I always feel oddly rushed to begin with for no particular reason as to why. If I need to be at work at 8:00 a.m. I’m up at 6 :00 a.m. but really 5:30 a.m. (probably more like 5:00) because I’d feel even more rushed if I were on too tight of a time schedule. After all, I need to allow enough proper time for importatnt stuff like my morning ritual, which basically consists of me sitting in silence drinking my coffee staring blankly the wall. Well maybe not so silent, there’s always that party in my head of course.
Just recently while reading through information on ADHD I’ve come across several articles of information that deal with ADHDer’s and our sense of time management, remarking that we tend to have an askewed sense of time. I like that. An askewed sense of time. You are correct sir. Though they would have it seem most ADHDer’s have a tendency toward lateness. I don’t know how accurate that is, maybe it’s true, be what it may, I can assure you I am not one of them. (My son, fyi, complete opposite.) I’m hyper early for everything and completely in a huff if you’re a nano second late. I mean after all, to me of course it would seem as though I’ve been waiting forever because I probably have been, no fault of your own. Rationally I know I have enough time, even more than enough time because I go by the 15 minute early rule of thumb, and in my world 15 minutes equates to 45. Madness. I went to yoga class against my ADHD’s judgement last week. The class is at 8:30 a.m. I hesitated in going because work schedules had been changed to accommodate the off season, meaning I now had to be at work at that new obscenely early hour of NOON instead of 1 p.m., which equals 11:30 a.m. in my head. Could I do it? Would I have suffice time for coffee, wall gazing AND make it to class, AND get home, AND get a shower, AND get ready for work WITHOUT rushing!??? Can it EVEN BE DONE!! AGGHHHH! It can. I had my coffee, skipped the wall scrying, went to class, got back with more than enough time to shower, get ready, and even had time left over for a pre workday wall stare instead of my usual morning. Time is just so weird to me. Hurry, hurry, hurry….
Of course then there’s the flip side, the procrastination. Now you’d be inclined to think someone with a sense of warp speed going through their day wouldn’t have an issue with procrastination, that’d I’d hop right to things (and sometimes I do, ahh, ADHD just can’t be simple. Gotta be all complicated and shit). Wrong. My twisted sense of time that keeps me an hour ahead of the rest of the population exists simultaneously with procrastination. It’s complicated. That’s all I got.
Taxes due? Meh, I got time. Bill due? Meh, I got time. Gas tank on empty and you’ve just driven past 4 gas stations fully aware that your gas tanks on empty? Meh, I got time. It sounds comical. It’s one of those funny, not funny things. A little laughter and a lot of WTF because it’s not like you’re oblivious to your own behaviour. It’s difficult to explain, it’s not as if you aren’t aware. You are. And it’s not as if you just don’t want to do it, because you do, such a simple task all you really want is to do it and just get it done, you even picture it in your head, the normalcy of “just get ‘er done”, just do these simple little everyday things and go on with your day like the rest of the world, it’s just that it’s nearly impossible to make yourself until the very last minute. That said, by procrastinating you’ve now introduced the element of rushing right into the situation, and allow me to direct you back to the previous paragraphs above and my complete dislike of rushing. So why would I even procrastinate? hmmmm.. I may have just had an epiphany here. UGH. See, complicated. Maybe it’s some weird psycho sense of urgency, I can attest that I seem to work better under pressure or on a deadline.
That being said I’ll segue right into hyper focus. This can be a blessing and a curse. I can be working on something before work, much like I am now on this blog post, and I will not budge until it’s time, and I mean the exact very stroke of time to leave. Which of course is 45 minute earlier than necessary, but I digress. I’ll keep looking over my shoulder at the hands of the clock again and again wondering why do they seem to move so slow, (maybe they actually do) and wishing I had a mega million lottery win tucked in the bank so I could just finish this last sentence correctly or go over my spell check one more time. Anyone that reads any of my posts might find that hysterical and be like, “is she serious?” given all the typos and grammar that I still manage to never find before I hit publish. Why yes, yes I am. Details are not a strong suit with my ADHD. Ugh! Times UP! Gotta go———-> At work, when the time comes for me shift into leadership role you really need to get out of my way because you don’t even want to interfere with my hyper focus on the job. Don’t make me cut you. Ask anyone that’s worked with me. Ask anyone that’s every interrupted me.
Ok, harsh, probably more like the incredible hulk all mild manner one minute, but go ahead, just try to interrupt my hyper focus … I DARE YOU. You get the point. It’s not that I’m mean, I just want to get shit done and getting shit done doesn’t always come so easily.
I am much better here now in my older years but it’s only because of a lifetime of practice and conditioning. I still have more than a long way to go, that’s where this next leg of this tour will take me. The Journey.
So, like, I’m gonna go now. I want to post this at 8:30 this morning, it’s 7:40 now. That gives me nearly 45 minutes to hyper focus on re-reading and editing the typos I’ll still never find.