I’ve let this go too long, I mean WTH. The Doorway was supposed to be an outlet and something to do for my overly active ADHD brain and instead I sit here with my overly active ADHD brain actually brainstorming what it is I’m suppose to be writing about when in fact I wasn’t suppose to even care. Thinking. My GOD. That’s like the worst thing I could do with my ADD EVER. Thinking, that’s just another rabbit hole to fall into. They can say what they will about impulsiveness and ADHD, … BUT THINKING! Ugh! That’s just as bad, if not worse. Thinking can actually paralyze you. That said, it’s also easy to write when everything’s going well, you’re in a flow, not just with the keyboard but with yourself, you’re in that groove where everything seems to roll, it’s all good, you can think of dozens of ideas to blog down and everything is coming up roses. The hard part is trying to write when you’ve hit the fence and topple right into the thorns of previous ‘said’ roses. That was my January. January seemed promising from the early stages I can’t even quite figure out what happened. Yes I can. I dared THINK. January I didn’t do much of anything but think, fall down the rabbit hole and eat. And cry. And eat. I finally began to pull myself out of the abyss after my Baked Zitifest.
Nearing the end of January in true ADHD/comorbid depression/anxiety/binge-eating style I boiled me off a pot of Ziti. I figured I’d make a nice dish of baked Ziti to sooth my weary soul and I’d have some for lunch then freeze off the rest for dinners to take to work. Only instead I ate the whole casserole, laid down more than a little nausea for a quick 4 hour nap. As I laid there I couldn’t help but to remember a Friends episode where Ross had told everyone how as a child Monica ate the glued macaroni off an art project. That could sum up my January. Food. First line of defense. It’s a coping mechanism, how I envy those that get down and out and take a good long run. Fuckers. I may have gained a pound or two last month. Maybe five, but that’s behind me now.