I had never been the “pretty girl”. Goofy maybe. A space cadet. Lazy, slow, a daydreamer, unmotivated and all the other cliché names that go along with ADHD. I remember the day I took this picture. I remember looking at it. I’m not a 15 year old selfie snapper nor do I have an insatiable need to put myself out there. Introverted and hesitant I’m more at home behind a camera than in front of one, but this sight. This sight of myself stripped bare with no make up at age 50 plus. I didn’t flinch. I wasn’t repulsed. I noticed the lines around my eyes. I didn’t wish away the years. I merely thought to myself, “this must be how God sees me.” And then I cried. Because of course this is how God sees me. Perfect.
I left a card once
I don’t know if you read it
It said I love you.
I had to pull over to the side of the road just because I felt the urge to look at the flowers blooming on the bush.
Sometimes you need to stop everything and just be in that moment. Just marvel at the beautiful things that surround you. The flowers, the blue of the sky, the smell of green and sunshine. Breathe that moment. Live that moment. Own that moment. Thank that moment.
Just living is not enough. One must have freedom, sunshine and a little flower. – Hans Christian Anderson
I should write more. It’s the pesky inconsistencies of ADHD.
It’s there swirling about inside my head all incohesive like as usual. March with its Springbreakers here in vacation land USA kept me busy work wise, a pinched nerve in my shoulder is still rendering my arm numb right down to the fingertips, it’ a painful process to even type. I suppose PT is in the near future, I’d say UGH, but it’s probably not a bad idea.
All last month felt as if too much time was slipping by too fast, I’d have to pull myself back and remind myself it was only March, but it’s been a long and rather cold winter here in the south, I thought I’d be escaping all that SAD moving down here from the mid atlantic. Live and learn. Then there’s that black juju dropped on my doorstep from January still finding ways to linger. It’s a lingerer. I don’t think people really realize the power of words. I’ve been waiting on sweet springtime to and the warmth of her sun to burn all this nonsense away. Poetic. I know.
Hello April, please be kind.
I think I need a game plan. I’m thinking. There’s dangers in that. Another issue with the ADHD, you think more than you actually do. Then the whole time management issue gets involved. It’s a double damn it. The doing and the time to do it. There is great potential for overwhelming just dealing with those two thoughts alone. I guess I didn’t realize how interwoven the ADHD was in so many aspects of life until I actually sat down and started to write, even ever so humorously, about it here on this blog last year. It’s always there in the background, like a shadow waiting to jack up something. How have I even gotten this far! Ha! Ha? Hmm.. Well, damn. I see peanut butter toast in my near future and a cup of coffee with lots of thoughts and game planning now. Welcome to the second Sunday of my April.
…there are just too many thoughts at one time.
That’s what the past 2 weeks have seemed, much like this strange half frozen egg found in my fridge a couple of weeks ago. Not quite this, not quite that. Regardless I still had to make an impromptu run to the market to pick up fresh eggs to finish off my baking. Such is life with ADHD, you just keep on keeping on. Baking. Half baked. That’s rich. Ha-ha. That’s a fitting descriptive.
half way in between
the problem with A D D
jump swirl jump again again
Found: Broken Pieces.
‘as small as the world and as large as alone.’
“For whatever we lose, (like a you or like a me), it’s always ourselves we find at the sea.” E.E. Cummings