I had never been the “pretty girl”. Goofy maybe. A space cadet. Lazy, slow, a daydreamer, unmotivated and all the other cliché names that go along with ADHD. I remember the day I took this picture. I remember looking at it. I’m not a 15 year old selfie snapper nor do I have an insatiable need to put myself out there. Introverted and hesitant I’m more at home behind a camera than in front of one, but this sight. This sight of myself stripped bare with no make up at age 50 plus. I didn’t flinch. I wasn’t repulsed. I noticed the lines around my eyes. I didn’t wish away the years. I merely thought to myself, “this must be how God sees me.” And then I cried. Because of course this is how God sees me. Perfect.
On Being Yourself.
How much time is wasted trying to be someone you were never born to be, living a life you never wanted to live. I had spent most of my life doing everything I felt with every fiber of my being not in my own best interest to make other people happy. FYI: that approach never works out for long.
You’ll know when you’re being your genuine self because you can feel it. It’s not a fake it till you make it, it’s more genuine, more gut, more cellular. You won’t be able to quite explain it. You’re comfortable, you’re confident, even if every external circumstance seems to be the opposite you’ll find your faith is at staggering heights for absolutely no apparent reason. And there it is. You.
I love taking pictures. I love nature. I love quotes. I love reading cards. I have ADHD. I have hot flashes like you would not even believe. I have a son I love to the moon. I work in tourism chartering deep sea fishing excursions off the Gulf of Mexico. I am eclectic in my tastes and they can change on a dime. I am Christian. I am Buddhist. I am Pagan. I feel blessed everyday, even the off days. I am a triple threat fire sign: Sagittarius 🏹 Leo Rising 🌻 with an Aries Moon🔥. I’m silly and I’m really weird and I’m honest and I wouldn’t change any of that. Every disappointment or heartache has brought me to a better understanding of myself as much as all the laughter in between. I believe in simplicity. I read my cards in the same manner. I advocate for ADHD because no one ever did on my behalf. I love my life, my family and more importantly myself.
Life is short. Fall in love with it. Be yourself. Do it now.
A fresh approach may lead to something surprisingly beautiful.
*just another lady with a deck of cards
Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Not Even.
An outlet for a brain that refuses to stop rambling, even at night, even asleep, my techno colored psychedelic dreams I could write a book on them alone. Attention Deficit Disorder. It’s my brains attempt to never ever be bored, to never be still.
I’m up early. My brain has already had nearly a dozen contemplative in-depth conversations with itself in the past half hour Continue reading “ᎥᏒᏒᎬᏞᎬᏉᎪᏁᏆ bᏞᎾᎶᎶᎥᏁᎶ.”
Because I have ADHD. I can, and could, really just leave it at that.
March, 1 2018 6:00 am
I’ve gone from a just another lady with a deck of cards to sheer irrelevance. I still have the cards. I never part with the cards. All interests, no matter how passionate they begin, wane. I should have known. How could I have not have known? Continue reading “Irrelevant. How the Doorway now becomes a Most Irrelevant Adventure in Blogging.”